A late night phone call from a very upset friend has me concerned.  She’s been together with her live-in fiance for about 7 years now.  He’s a nice enough fellow most of the time but he has a drinking problem and when he drinks he transforms into an ogre who insists on wanting to drive.  And the ogre description is pretty accurate given that he’s 6’6″ and very muscular, but I don’t think he turns green until the next morning.  He’s not hurt her physically, but he becomes verbally abusive and he has been known to throw a few inanimate objects, and then there is that whole driving issue.  Because he refuses to accept that he needs help and these episodes are becoming more frequent she thinks maybe he should move out before something really bad happens (and yes, it’s her house). The crappy thing is that she knows what needs to be done, but when he’s sober and asking for another chance her love for him pretty much crumbles her resolve.   She’s asked me to come up.   I will go, but this is a touchy situation. I want to be there for her without meddling.  Talk about a gray and murky area. I’m taking my knitting of course and A1 will ride with me as far as Spanaway where she will visit some friends from her old school. 

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  1. CindyCindy

    Oh, Sweetie, I wish for you the wisdom of Solomon and for her, a dash of insight and common sense. Affairs of the heart can be tricky on too many levels. I’ll be thinking about you.

  2. Wow, what a scary situation. She’s lucky to have your support. My thoughts are with you both.

  3. You’re a true friend..but be careful, please. Keep that cell phone close and stay in a public place. I think I may be jaded but am altogether too familiar with the Jekyll/Hyde types – and you always want to wish they aren’t really like the Hyde side until you’re absolutely forced to. I hope it all turns out for the best. A very insightful person told me just a couple days ago “Let the Wookie win” – pride and what’s “right” isn’t worth your safety (or your friend’s safety) or material things. And, from the voice of experience, even if she’s gentle and tender (and I’m sure she is), tell her to contact an attorney soon – just to be on the safe side. I don’t know about state law there but here in Colorado, living together known as a married-like (or soon to be) couple might constitute common law marriage. Hopefully, when faced with the prospect of either losing or truly hurting the woman he loves, your friend’s fiance’ will get the help he needs. I hope all the best for you and your friend! oy…I’ll stop projecting my experiences now and just say – please let us know you’re ok, your friend’s ok and how thing turn out.

  4. Please be really careful. All too often the verbal abuse becomes physical. I’m keeping you and your friend in my prayers.

  5. I tell my friend (whose husband is an alcoholic jerk, too) “YOU picked him.” Sooner or later, these women have to find that last straw and make a decision to treat themselves better by ridding themselves of these jerks. Sorry to say, there’s nothing that you or I can do to convince them that they’re better off without them (I’ve been telling my friend point-blank for years) and she still stays with him. She’s convinced that’s she is better having an abusive man than no man at all. All his nicities are worthless if he erases all of it with rotten drunken behavior. Good luck to her, and say HI from me when you see her. I haven’t seen her for…geez…forever! Tell her “Whitey loves ya.”

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