Help!

This is Bonnie The Cat, formerly known as “The Only Cat in the House” and/or “The Queen”.   Something has gone terribly amiss and the interloper Is. Still. Here.   

I didn’t mind when Tasha was alive.  She made lots of fun noises when I jumped out at her (her eyes weren’t up to cat standards).  She didn’t go outside and hunt the mousers so I gots them all to myself.  And even though I teased her lots I still loved her and when she wasn’t looking I’d even sleep next to her.  But only if she was already making snores, because if she saw me she’d yell and scream.   I missed her when she went to the Rainbow Bridge.  The only good thing was that for almost one month I RULED EVERYTHING! 

The short, loud people did become a new-sance because I was the only beautiful, soft, kitty to love.  I had to find new hiding spots for my queenly self when they brought out doll clothes, etc.  Tasha used to let them dress her up.  She was a little soft in the head. 

Anyway, on to my new problem… Roxanna. Roxie. The “new” kitty.  Sure, she’s half my size, but what you have to understand is that she had special training at an Acatemy called “The Pound”.  She knows Kung Foods, Tae Kwan Dough and other tricky ways of jumping on me when I wants to eat.  When I tries to take a leisurely walk down the hall she chases me!   I used my bestest, scariest hisses at her, but all she does is roll on her back and look all innocent.  I wasn’t born yesterday (hard to believe with my kittenish good looks). It’s a trap.   She’s also a SLUT!  Whenever any of the peoples come into a room she gives off rumbly purrs. They don’t even have to actually touch her and that butt of hers goes flying up into the stratosphere.

Any self-respecting kitty knows to hold out!  They must not have taught “Indifference” at that fancy Acatemy.  She’s not the sharpest tool in the shed either.  Even I knows that the crunchy flying treats are off limits.  She stares at them for hours. Sometimes she even tries to eats them through the bars. 

Yes, I may have pounced their way a time or two, but that was just to keep my humans on their toes.  More proof that she’s not too bright… she sleeps in her toilet. In her toilet!

I’m so glad we don’t have to share a bathroom (but if we did I might pee on her head).  

My human Mom keeps trying to drug us on catnip because she thinks maybe we’d be nicer if we were stoned, but I’m too smart to fall for that.  Roxie may have those humans fooled, but I think she’s really THE DEBBIL!

Maybe I can mail her to Zanzibar!  Hee hee.

Love, Bonnie

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Help!

  1. Oh Bonnie, we all hate the intrusion of a younger female, just ask Tiger’s wife……………all we can do is ………attack a fire hydrant……… maybe not.

  2. Roxie

    Bonnie, you are still the queen. The youngster is noisy and boistrous, like the one she was named for, but she is only trying to make friends and doesn’t really know how yet. Just be thankful they didn’t bring a MALE into the house. Enjoy the catnip while you can get it, and chill out. That which can not be cured must be endured.

    (Kung food. LOL!)

  3. Poor, Bonny. She is so very put upon. Isn’t she doing pretty much what she did to Tasha? Isn’t that like karma or something? I’m still a bit stunned by the litter box pic. Amazing.

  4. Crazy kitties! Never fear, Bonny…you are still the Queen–you just have a silly Court Jester running around! Scritches! K

  5. That was too funny, it made my day!

  6. Awww, poor Bonnie. Sounds a lot like my Dusty and Miss Lulu, and her high-rising hiney!

  7. Dear Bonnie Friend,
    I think that butt up cattitude must be a tuxedo girl thing cause our tuxedo sister used to do that very thing too. Mom and Dad would just get close to her and UP went the butt. Maybe that’s what caused her to take a hike, I mean walk over the Rainbow Bridge two years ago. Who knows.

    ~Ruby~

  8. Spewing beverage worthy post!

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