Welcome to another mid-week post. This week I’m including some summer activities you can undertake, mostly in the privacy of your very own home, that will qualify you to enter a contest! Busy readers can scroll straight to the bottom for contest information, however by doing so you’ll miss the meandering prose of a middle-aged mom, which in turn will cause the elastic in your undershorts to fail in a public place, ending in utter embarrassment, all because you didn’t take the time to read this in its entirety.
WTF Activity The First: Letter Writing: Several days ago my dear friend, Karen, apprised me of some dreadful news. The Red Rose Tea company has decided to stop including the collectible figurines in their boxes of tea. WTF! We love opening new boxes of tea to be surprised with these little bits of inexpensive pottery. We’ve amassed quite a collection over the years too. The girls enjoy sifting through our box of figures and looking at animals, people and various statuary from the past. We each have our favorites. A3 has started her own little collection that she keeps in her room (which she wouldn’t allow me to photograph). My mom still has some from tea going back to when I was little. These older ones look similar to the new ones, but they are slightly larger and seem to shine more. The latter feature may be attributed to years of being lovingly admired and handled.
Red Rose has already stopped including figures in all of their specialty teas and in any boxes smaller than the 100 teabag count of their regular black tea. The only way consumers of small boxes can get the figures is to send the UPC codes, along with shipping and handling to the company. And gone are the days of surprise because the consumer must specify which figure he/she wants. In 2011 even the large boxes will be empty and require buyers to follow the same process. Because we only buy the larger boxes we were unaware of the change, and would have remained so until next year when we opened up a new box and couldn’t find the coveted figure. Karen’s own diligence led her to contact the company, and here is the reply she received:
We are no longer putting the figurines in the boxes of tea. There is however an order form that you can cut out and mail in with a UPC code per figurine to obtain the figurines to finish your set.
If you have further questions please feel free to contact me.
Direct Marketing Supervisor
Redco Foods, Inc.
One Hansen Island
Little Falls, NY 13365
(315) 823-1300 ext. 467
I realize that this company’s decision to stop including a premium with their product will save them money. I also realize that the world won’t end if we don’t keep adding to our menagerie. However, the demise of this program does signify the end of a tradition that I enjoyed sharing with my own children.
My disappointed outcry might not make a difference, but I intend to write an old-fashioned letter of complaint to Ms. Daley at the above address. In addition, a strongly worded email will be sent to the address below.
WTF Activity the second: Helmet making: Is your sleep constantly interrupted by night-time alien abductions? Do the little gray guys have their way with your reproductive cells? Do alien implants make airport security screenings a nightmare? If you answered yes to any of these problems then this site has the answer.
You can order your very own do-it-yourself protective helmet kit. Included are the special anti-mind control fabric and complete instructions.
WTF Activity the third: Shredding: Identity theft has mushroomed with the computer revolution and subsequent invention of the World Wide Web (thank you Mr. Gore). Experts recommend completely destroying all papers containing personal information. Many people now own personal shredders to slice unwanted credit card offers into fun little bits of confetti. If your home is like ours we end up with bags of shredded paper each month, which must then be sent to recycling .. where hopefully small, evil gnomes don’t painstakingly piece and glue documents back together so they can sell our information. Recently, by chance we discovered a more organic and thorough way to dispose of our papers. We call it the Steve-O-Matic.
Our Steve-O-Matic starts out by thoroughly shredding each sheet of paper into bite-sized pieces. Next some of these pieces are efficiently spread around the house and hidden in the most remote recesses of our home, where no broom can reach. A good portion of the remaining paper is then “nommed” with special kitty saliva until the ink smears beyond legibility. Finally, the Steve-O-Matic eats the most important bits. Once eaten they pass through the kitty composter and emerge disguised as Almond Roca. This method is completely gnome-proof and guaranteed to thwart all prospective identity thieves. Unfortunately, the Steve-O-Matic does not discern between papers you want destroyed and those you wish to keep.
Contest: The main reason for having this contest is to tell the Red Rose Tea company that we want our figurines back. Many people don’t have the time to write old-fashioned snail mail letters any more, but if you take the time to shoot off an email to this address: firstname.lastname@example.org, then you’ll receive an entry in a random drawing to win a gorgeous skein of Kraemer Sterling Silk and Silver Yarn!
I understand that not everyone drinks tea or cares to write letters so to make this appeal to more folks I’m adding two more ways to enter. The second way is to build your own alien abduction helmet (see above).
The third way to enter is by showing one of your own animals helping you organically destroy your documents.
It’s also a sad fact that not everyone knits, therefore a skein of yarn would do little in their possession except collect dust. Should you fall into this category then I’d be willing to substitute the raw skein of yarn for a custom knitted hat in your color of choice.
So there are three ways to enter:
1. a. Write an email to Red Rose Tea asking them to bring back the figurines. Send me a message saying that you did (I believe all of you to be honorable) and you’ll receive one entry.
b. Write a snail mail letter and email me a copy to receive three entries.
2. a. Build your own alien abduction helmet and send me a picture to receive one entry.
b. Take a picture of yourself wearing the helmet out in public send it to me and receive three entries.
3. a. Send a picture of your animal in the process of document destruction and receive one entry.
b. There is no “B” for this one. I don’t want to see the composted results.
Send all entries to this hpresson at comcast dot net (no spaces and replace the “at” and “dot” with appropriate symbols). Contest will end next Tuesday on July 20, 2010. Results will be announced on Wednesday, July 21, At which point (with permission, of course) pictures may be shared.
p.s. should you decide to make and wear the anti-alien abduction helmet would you please make a note first for all extra-terrestrial life so they can send letters to Red Rose Tea as well. They won’t be able to read your minds to glean this information once you’re protected. A very good source informs me that aliens LOVE collecting the figurines.