WTF Naughty or Nice

Dear Santa,

Could you please clarify what you mean by “naughty or nice”? Do you really watch us while we’re sleeping? If so, then does that mean that there are hidden cameras in the bedroom or is there some larger cosmic connection that you share with God? Are you monitoring all of us 24/7 or do you just make random checks?  Do you keep a tally sheet of our actions? I’d like to think that we can make up for being naughty by doing something nice.  For example, and this is purely hypothetical, if I’m late and I drive 5 mph over the posted speed limit, but later that day I drop money into the Salvation Army pot, does my donation cancel out my speeding?  If there is a naughty nullification chart, then I’d like a copy so I can track with you and know where I stand… not as a present, mind you, just as something to keep in my wallet throughout the coming year. If no such chart exists then I’d be willing to help you draw one up (which would be worth several points on the good list, imo).

Do you know if someone is merely acting innocent and nice, or can you tell if he/she has truly been naughty? For example, look at Lucky (my friends’ Carmen and Julie’s kitty).

Isn’t he the picture of fluffy innocence? Based on a quick glance at this picture you’d insist on bringing him catnip, crunchy treats and maybe even a mouse.  However, a more careful scrutiny reveals the more sinister side of Lucky.

Lucky forgot to floss his brother cat’s hair out of his teeth before posing for his glamour shot. Would your monitors have caught that?

What about bad thoughts? Do they count against us or do we need to act on them before they’re considered naughty? I’ve never actually ran over anyone, nor do I drive around with someone perched on my car, but I laughed when I saw this picture (taken by Carmen in Tacoma).

If bad thoughts count, then I’m screwed. Sometimes I just look at people and my mind goes to all kinds of bad places.  Anyway,  I’ll be leaving a plate of Krumkake, along with a bottle of Vodka out for you on Christmas Eve.  And should Prancer (who’s getting kind of flabby) slack off then you can just stake him out in our back yard.  I have a cookbook that I’m dying to try.

 Sincerely,

Your most faithful servant,

Heide

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “WTF Naughty or Nice

  1. Roxie

    “He sees you when you’re sleeping.” That’s pretty creepy when you stop and think about it. Some old guy watching all those little kids sleep? At least he’s not taking pictures . . . I hope.

    One year my brother gave me a lot of venison burger, so for a Christmas party, DH and I made sweet and sour meatballs with it and served “Rudolph on a Ritz.”
    I do believe the cat with the mouthful of fur gets the special “Kitty dispensation” which means that the naughty and nice rules don’t apply to cats at all.

  2. knitwonpurltoo

    OMG, girl;-D Perfect pre-Christmas WTF Wednesday!

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