I remember reading Kafka’s “The Metamorphoses” in high school and being a little uncomfortable, freaked out even, as the main character transformed into a cockroach. To this day I remember that he liked the feeling of the cool, broken glass from a framed picture against his belly. Growing up in western Washington, we never had significant cockroach issues. They may be able to endure deadly doses of radiation, but apparently they don’t like rain. Years later, while in Air Force basic training in Texas, then going straight on to technical school in Biloxi, MS, I got to experience real live cockroaches in their natural habitats. Those things were friggin’ huge! They were also tough. One evening my roommate, Nikki, and I tried to kill one that wandered into our room. After running out of shoes to throw from the safety of our beds I grabbed the next available “weapon”. It was a can of industrial strength aerosol hairspray. That stuff could stand up to Mississippi humidity and hold regulation hairstyles in place even during a hurricane, but it did nothing to stop the advances of the vile bug. Once that can was empty, I grabbed a can of Paul Mitchell mousse. The entirety of the contents created a coconut smelling mountain about 5 inches tall on top of the roach. But after about a minute the mousse mountain started to move, and eventually the roach emerged, donning a mound of fluffy white topping. Neither of us had the courage to stomp on the beast… especially since all of our shoes were strewn across the floor and out of our reach. In the end, we just waited until the fellow (all things gross must be male) crawled across the floor and slipped under the crack in the door, knocking his Paul Mitchell mousse cap off in the process. Anyway, this remake of the story promises to be silly and hold none of the horrors of its original. Enjoy this clip!