Hello, Steve here, with a few words for all of you peoples out there. Lately the two-legs I live with have been pretty busy… to the point of grossly neglecting the felines of our house. Sure, they keep the kibble bowl stocked, slop canned food out twice a day and clean our toilet, but those things are kind of like, mandatory. Kitties like me deserve so much more. I’m special dammit! Mama two-legs spends countless hours driving her kittens all over the place and they’re gone forever.
Yesterday, besides ferrying ungrateful kits to and fro (they really do whine alot) mama two-legs made something called “jam”. I was all kinds of interested in this so-called “jam” so I offered my services for kitchen help. The jars on the counter looked all sparkly, but to make really sure I jumped up and stuck my nose in… just for a quality control sniff. The woman (at this point she really doesn’t deserve to be called mama-two-legs any more) actually yelled something really mean at me.
She said, “Nobody wants your nostril sauce or hair in their jam!” Then she dropped me on the floor and re-washed the sparkly jars. I ignored her severely for several hours. When she was done I never even got to taste it! Not one little lick of the stuff.
Then the silly broad went outside and picked a bunch of weeds from the front yard. Sure, she just hacks them off, but if I so much as scratch around the dirt near them she has a hissy fit. She stuck the weeds around the house.
There wasn’t so much as a chewy blade of grass, let alone any catnip to sniff or nom. Really! Why would anyone want to haul this garbage inside… especially the glorified sticks in that second picture? She called it “Dogwood.” I plan on knocking that stuff right over when they go to bed tonight.
Apparently that horrible, hateful female two-legged “person” brought her “looks-like-fun-but-don’t-chew-on-these-sticks” and string with her on one of her kitten outings because she came back with this hat. People wouldn’t even need hats if they had proper fur like kitties!
Finally, there’s been some talk about this thing called, “Independence Day”. This is a day where the two-legs all make lots of noise and burn food outside that they don’t share with kitties. Lousy holiday if you ask my opinion. There needs to be a special celebration in honor of kitties! It would be called “Cat Day” and on Cat Day all kitties would be served tuna, mice would offer themselves up for dessert and those two-legs would genuflect while scratching our ears.
Hey, I smell cupcakes! Maybe the woman as seen the error of her ways and is planning some major sucking up. I think those look like Cat Day cupcakes, don’t you?
Mmm, I hope they’re tuna flavored!